Shortly before our daughter was born in May of 2015, I decided I wanted to open my own chiropractic office. My loving and supportive husband, along with my dad, spent the 3 months following our daughters birth pouring their sweat, blood, and tears (ok, those may have been mostly my postpartum tears) into the build out of my office. Three months after being home with my daughter, after jumping into my role as ‘mom’ for the first time, I dropped my daughter off at daycare for the first time and headed to my very own office. Over the next 2 years I poured my blood, sweat, and tears into that office. My daughter, due to a mishap with daycare, ended up spending nearly the first year of her life in my office. Just her, and me, juggling starting a chiropractic practice, and motherhood. Some days it was awful, other days it was wonderful, but mainly it was hard. Hard because starting any business is hard. Hard because being a mom is hard. Hard because holding on to who you are in the midst of all that is really hard. But mostly, because it didn’t feel right.
That office did not feel like ‘home’. The work I was doing there did not feel like ‘home’. I felt deep in my heart that God was telling me this was not the path for me. I felt such a strong pull that being at home and supporting my family from there was what I needed to do. I tried to fight this feeling, for far too long. Coming to terms with this feeling, and acting on it was no easy feat either. It took a lot of praying, a lot of sitting in silence and listening, and a lot of discussion with my [very supportive] husband before I decided to act on it.
Acting on it was also hard. There was such a storm of emotions; fear, failure, uncertainty, excitement, hope, joy. And in the end, it took a lot more blood, sweat, and tears to close down my office. Along with a lot of faith and trust in the Lord that this was the right path for me. Faith and trust in not knowing exactly what was to come next. Being a ‘planner’ in personality, it was unbearably difficult to leave that phase of life, not knowing what my next step was. But it was the perfect chance for this ‘planner’ to Let Go and Let God.
Its been just over 2 months since we officially closed the office, and 2 months that I have been home being a mom full time. I wish I could say that I had it all figured out, that everything fell into place perfectly and that I know exactly what I’m doing and how things are suppose to look. But I don’t. I can tell you, that I feel so much more at peace. Being a mom 100% and supporting my family in this way feels like ‘home’. I have so much hope and excitement for what the future holds. I am enjoying this moment of quiet calmness (yes that can still exist with a 2.5 year old!) and continuing to listen and trust in Him, allowing our path to unfold as it should.
Oh, and can I mention, the week I officially signed off on all the paperwork to close my office, we found out we were expecting baby #2 (due in June!), something we kept saying just couldn’t happen at this time due to my commitment to my office. I guess you could say God’s timing is pretty amazing!
What I hope anyone reading this may get out of this, is not that following your heart or following God’s whisper to you will make everything perfect. But that it can mend a place in your heart that is hurting, it can open your heart to more joy, and more peace than you can imagine. And I trust that it will lead to amazing things!
Here’s to living a life that makes your soul smile,